Releasing Offense & Protecting Your Peace

Shakila Barry
Jan 4
6 min read

Updated: Jan 6

This reflection is for anyone navigating emotional maturity, boundaries, faith-led peace, and the decision to release offense so your heart can stay soft.

Hey Sparkle Bestie,

This morning, I woke up with a quiet sense of clarity. Sometimes the smallest moments — an invitation, a message, an interaction — reveal how far we’ve come in our emotional and spiritual growth. I realized that I am learning, slowly and steadily, to honor where I am without guilt, explanation, or defensiveness.

For so long, I felt the need to justify my boundaries, soften my “no's,” or explain why certain environments drained me. But lately, I’ve been embracing the truth that “no” can stand on its own. Peace doesn’t need permission.

And in this journey toward peace, God has been teaching me one deep, challenging, liberating lesson:

Release offense.

I once heard a psychology professor say, “People can’t make you feel anything unless you allow it.”And that idea has been echoing in my spirit again. When offense tries to creep in — that tightening in the chest, that sting of being dismissed or overlooked — I’ve been learning to pause and ask myself:

“Do I want to let this in?”

“Do I want this moment to take root in me?”

Recently, I had a conversation where I shared something meaningful — something vulnerable. And the person on the other end didn’t acknowledge it at all. They went right on speaking as if my experience didn’t exist.

For a moment, I felt that familiar wave rise up:

the hurt of not being heard,

the sting of feeling small,

the ache of invisible emotions.

But instead of reacting, I gave myself a choice.I could confront the moment, or I could let the conversation end and sit with my feelings afterward. I chose the latter. And when I sat with my emotions in the quiet, God began to speak to me.

“Why are you allowing this moment to steal your peace?”

“Why are you giving your emotional remote control to someone else?”

Apostle Joshua Selman once said that we must learn to remove offense, especially with the people closest to us — not because they’re right, but because our peace is worth more than our reaction.

Offense is heavy.

Offense is sticky.

Offense blinds us.

And most importantly, offense binds us.

When we hold onto offense, we unconsciously hand people access to our joy, our clarity, our creativity, and our emotional climate. But when we release it, we reclaim the space God meant to fill with His presence, not our frustration.

I had to remind myself:

People are who they are.

It is not my job to change them.

It is my responsibility to guard my heart.

The Bible says, “Do not cast your pearls before swine." ({Matthew 7:6})

This isn’t about calling anyone names — it’s about discernment. It’s about understanding that not every space is safe enough to hold our treasures, our stories, our tender places. And when we share deeply with those who are not equipped to honor it, we unintentionally create our own hurt. Just as we should be careful with priceless pearls, we should be careful about sharing what is valuable with those who show no respect for it.

God has been teaching me that wisdom isn’t walls.

Wisdom is discernment.

Wisdom is preserving your peace while still keeping your heart soft.

So today’s reflection is this Sparkle Bestie:

Where am I placing people in my life?

Who has earned access to my inner world, and who am I giving access to out of habit or guilt?

Am I accepting people as they are, without letting their actions disturb the peace God has cultivated within me?

As I ask these questions, I’m not building walls;

I am building discernment.

I am building peace.

I am building emotional maturity.

And I am giving God room to guard my heart in ways I never could on my own.

Save this for your quiet time, Sparkle Bestie 💖

Scriptures to help you release offense, protect your peace, and stay rooted in God’s truth:

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
John 14:27 (NIV)“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you… Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Philippians 4:7 (NIV)“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Ephesians 4:31–32 (NIV)“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger… Be kind and compassionate to one another.”
James 1:19 (NIV)“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
Proverbs 2:6 (NIV)“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”
Matthew 7:6 (NIV)“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs…”(A reminder to practice discernment in what you share.)
Psalm 139:14 (NIV)“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
Psalm 34:14 (NIV)“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”
Romans 12:2 (NIV)“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Let's Pray About it:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the gifts of wisdom, discernment, and the ability to truly self-reflect. Help me to pause and use these gifts whenever I need them, recognizing that they guide me through everyday moments and help me walk in the peace You have promised.

Strengthen me to make healthy, Spirit-led choices in my daily interactions—choices that keep me aligned with Your will and anchored in Your truth. And when feelings of being unseen, unheard, or small try to rise up, remind me to root myself in who You say I am and to stand confidently in that identity.

Teach me to guard my heart with grace and intention, knowing that my peace is something You’ve entrusted me to protect. Keep my thoughts, actions, and responses aligned with Your greater purpose for my life.

In Jesus’ name I pray,

Amen.

As we close, I want you to remember this: you are not the only one out here working toward becoming the best version of yourself. This journey can feel lonely at times, and yes, it can get tough — but you’re pushing for something meaningful. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. But you chose to rise above. And that takes courage, faith, and perseverance.

We have everything we need in Christ. Growth will always come with obstacles, but we never walk through them alone. God is only a whisper away, ready to strengthen us, guide us, and steady our hearts. Every day we’re choosing to put our spiritual gifts into action. Every day we’re making healthier choices that keep us aligned with His word.

So just know this: you are not alone. No matter where you are in the world, you have a Sparkle Bestie in me. And remember — if you want to be happy, you’ve gotta keep choosing peace, over and over again.

May we continue to release offense, honor our boundaries, and lovingly protect the peace God has planted within us.

Signing off… softly singing Kirk Franklin’s Wanna Be Happy…

Sending you love, light, and Sparkle,

Shakila B. ✨

Sing it with me.....

If you're tired of being the same

If you're tired of things not changing

It's time for you to get out the way

(Are you ready? Come on)

Don't get stuck in how you feel

Say, "Jesus take the wheel" (what you doin'?)

He knows the road that you need to take

(It's so easy to complain)

It's so easy to complain (come on)

Addicted to the pain (yeah)

You give your heart, they push it away

(There's somebody that'll never leave ya)

Jesus knows just how you feel (yessir!)

Just let Him take the wheel

The love you need, He already gave

(But the question is)

Do you wanna be happy?

✨ Become an Official Sparkle Bestie

Be the first to receive new blog posts, come along on my creative adventures, and stay in the know about future product updates—delivered straight to you.

Become a Sparkle Bestie