When Running Stopped Working
- Shakila Barry
- Jan 24
- 6 min read
—A reflection on awareness, surrender, and the quiet work of God
I spent years trying to change my environment instead of confronting myself. And then, when running stopped working, I realized something life-changing:
God wasn’t asking me to perform or escape. He was inviting me to be transformed.
What felt like isolation was actually construction.
What felt like being hidden was actually protection.
And when I finally stopped running, God met me with grace and rebuilt my life from the inside out.
For a long time, life felt like a roller coaster—and not the fun kind. I was that girl. Always in to something.
It took a lot—okay, A LOT—of not-so-great situations before I finally started noticing a pattern. I began asking myself hard questions like:
Why is there always some big catastrophe in my life?
Why do I always need so much help?
Why can’t I just catch a break?
And then one day, it hit me.
Everything around me had changed—the city, the jobs, the people—but I hadn’t.
I was the common denominator.
Whew.
That realization hurt. I really had to sit with it. But that moment marked the beginning of my self-improvement journey. Because here’s the truth:
We can only improve what we are willing to admit needs work.
I was entering new relationships carrying old baggage. New friendships—same bags. I was bringing unwarranted energy into spaces, and that energy kept landing me in places I didn’t actually want to be.
That’s when I finally asked myself: What am I doing?
And then came the grace-filled realization:
If I created this pattern, I can change it.
When Running Stopped Working: Awareness, Surrender, and Grace
Transformation doesn’t begin with denial.
It begins with honesty. Admission. Acceptance.
And then the slow, sacred work of becoming new.
It’s not easy. It takes time.
Years ago, as I was preparing to move away from my hometown—just wanting something different—my late Auntie V told me something I’ll never forget:
“It’s okay to move away, but if you’re running from something, whatever you’re running from will catch up with you.”
At the time, I thought, I ain’t running from nothin’.
But years later—new state, new job, new people—I realized… oh, I was running alright.
I was running from myself.
Chileeee. That was a brick.
I was chasing a lifestyle instead of choosing my life. Trying to fit into a mold that was never meant for me. And honestly? It never worked. I was always falling short of what society expected of me.
Until one day, I stopped.
When God Interrupts the Cycle
I prayed,
“Lord, reveal to me what I need to do because I’m tired of going in circles.”
I opened my Bible, and it landed on Deuteronomy 2:3:
“You have been traveling around this mountain country long enough. Turn northward.”
That was it!
God was saying, How long are you going to keep doing it your way? When will you let Me be God?
I said, “Okay, Lord. Let’s do this Your way.”
And my life hasn't never been the same.
When I stopped treating God like a last resort and started walking with Him daily—wisdom came. Direction came. Clarity came. My appetite changed. My relationships changed.
And yes… I felt alone for a while.
People I had been aligned with no longer made sense. The language changed. There were no dramatic fallouts—just quiet fading. I realized I had been holding onto relationships simply because of history, even when those relationships hadn’t been solid.
Somewhere deep down, I thought the bare minimum was all I deserved.
But God had other plans.
The Sacred Construction Site
Those years of isolation?
That wasn’t abandonment.
That was construction.
And God used every broken piece.
He showed me where I needed healing. Where I needed boundaries.
Where I needed Him instead of people. I stopped expecting others to be my source—and stopped resenting them for not being what only God could be.
Now? I talk to God constantly. Probably too much—if that were possible. But I believe that’s what He’s always wanted.
He never meant for us to do life alone.
He doesn’t expect perfection.
He invites dependence.
He invites partnership.
And with that, the healing comes.
I’m still developing. And I’m deeply grateful to have made it here.
I used to struggle with feeling hidden. But I’ve learned this:
“I would rather be hidden with God—covered, guided, and formed—than visible without Him.”
These days, I treasure quiet mornings in the secret place. Small moments where I simply whisper, “Thank You, Lord.”
Looking back, I see His grace everywhere—even in the mistakes. Even when I thought He wasn’t there.
He was.
And He still is.
What This Story Is—and Isn’t
This is not a story about:
Messy choices
Failed relationships
Or “getting it wrong”
This is a story about:
Awareness
Ownership
Surrender
Reconstruction
And maybe—just maybe—it’s an invitation for you too.
Because sometimes we aren’t unlucky.
We’re unhealed.
Sometimes changing places doesn’t change patterns.
Sometimes accountability hurts—but it also frees.
Sometimes loneliness isn’t abandonment—it’s preparation.
God doesn’t expose us to shame us—He reveals us to heal us.
And, being hidden with God is the safest place you could ever be.
Where Awareness Meets Grace
If any part of this stirred something in you, please know this: you are not behind, broken, or disqualified. You may simply be standing at the doorway of awareness.
God is gentle with us here. He does not rush us, shame us, or demand perfection. He invites us—slowly, lovingly—into truth. And truth, while sometimes uncomfortable, is always freeing.
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You don’t need to perform your healing.
You don’t have to run anymore.
Just turn toward Him.
Grace will meet you there.
✨ Bonus Resource:
A printable reflection guide—including Scripture references, reflection questions, and a longer prayer—is available below.
Scriptural References (Anchors for the Journey)
Deuteronomy 2:3 — “You have been traveling around this mountain country long enough. Turn northward.”
→ God’s invitation to stop cycling and move forward in obedience.
Romans 12:2 — “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
→ True change begins internally, not environmentally.
Psalm 139:23–24 — “Search me, O God… and lead me in the way everlasting.”
→ Awareness as a prayer, not a punishment.
Proverbs 4:23 — “Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
→ Healing the root, not just managing the symptoms.
Isaiah 30:15 — “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.”
→ The power of stillness and surrender.
Psalm 32:8 — “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go.”
→ God’s promise of personal, attentive guidance.
Let's Pray About it:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for gently bringing our attention to the places in our lives that need Your healing touch. We meet You here with open hearts, trusting You to lead us into wholeness.
Help us extend grace to ourselves as we grow and change. Thank You for Your mercy in our mistakes, Your patience with our process, and Your unchanging love toward us. We are grateful that You remain steady, even as we are still becoming.
We choose to live with You as our compass. We release striving and the need to be seen, and we embrace being hidden with You—secure, protected, and guided by Your presence. Teach us to depend on You as our source in every area of our lives.
We invite You to be God in us and through us. Renew our minds, strengthen our faith, and lead us forward in truth. Above all, we simply want to be close to You.
Thank You, Father, for loving us so faithfully.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
Well, Sparkle Bestie,
This one was a doozie—in the best way. Thank you for allowing me to borrow your attention. My prayer is that these words gently settle into your heart and awaken something within your spirit. May the peace of God surround you, steady you, and remind you that you are never walking alone.
Please know that I’m sending you love, sparkle, and constant encouragement as you continue along your faith journey. I’m always rooting for you.
All glory belongs to God—I’m simply the messenger, and I’m deeply grateful to be of service in any way He allows.
Your Sparkle Bestie,
Shakila B.✨
P.S. You know I wasn’t going to leave you without a song, right? 🎶✨
✨ Become an Official Sparkle Bestie✨
Be the first to receive new blog posts, come along on my creative adventures, and stay in the know about future product updates—delivered straight to you.
💖 Stay Connected @thesparklecompanychicago
Follow along for behind-the-scenes moments, reflections, and everyday sparkle.
Instagram
Pinterest
Facebook
Youtube
💌 Send Sparkle Mail
Your notes, reflections, and hellos are always welcome.
📧 Email: info@thesparklecompanychicago.com 💌 Mail: PO Box 6071Broadview, IL 60155
Thank you for being here—your presence, reflections, and feedback help shape this space in meaningful ways.
Made with intention, reflection, and a little sparkle ✨
Comments