Stewarding My Words With the Ones I Love Most

Shakila Barry
Jan 10
6 min read

—Growth doesn’t happen in perfection—it happens in awareness, humility, and the courage to choose differently next time.

Sparkle Bestie,

I had a moment.

I fussed at one of my sons, and right in the middle of it, something in me paused. I realized I had a choice—not just in what I was saying, but how I was saying it. I’ve noticed that sometimes my words can come out harsher than I intend. And if I want people to be mindful of my feelings, I also have to be mindful of theirs.

For many years, I handled my emotions differently. I would let things pile up internally—unspoken frustrations, unmet expectations—until I became overwhelmed. Eventually, it would all come out in one big blowup. Yelling. Venting. A full emotional release. I convinced myself that this was the only way my family would finally listen.

But I’ve learned something honestly humbling.

That wasn’t true.

In the moment, the release felt good because I was “getting it out.” But shortly after, I always felt terrible. And then it hit me—I was talking to the people I love most that way.

Looking back now, it feels wild that I ever justified that behavior. I would tell myself things like, They don’t listen to me, or I shouldn’t have to keep repeating myself, or It’s unfair how they do this and that. Meanwhile, I’d find myself "venting"—complaining about the very people I would lay my life down for.

Saying it out loud like that? Whew.... It doesn’t sound good.

And of course, once I got quiet enough, God lovingly—but firmly—checked me so I could see it clearly.

I noticed how easily I could snap at the boys or catch an attitude with my husband… yet when the phone rang, I suddenly became calm, polite, and composed for whoever was on the other end. That’s when it really clicked:

If I can adjust my tone for the rest of the world, shouldn’t I be able to do that for my family?

Now listen—families are messy. Couples disagree. Homes get loud and chaotic when everyone is moving in different directions. Working a job, managing a household, working towards my ambitions, and trying to stay emotionally balanced is a lot.

But here’s the truth I had to face:

I asked for this life.

I prayed for this family. These are blessings—beautiful, loud, sometimes chaotic blessings that God graciously entrusted to me. And while things can get overwhelming, that’s not an excuse to use the people I love as a place to dump my frustration.

Ahhh… another moment of self-reflection.

It’s so easy to avoid checking in with ourselves. We tell ourselves we just need something—something sweet, a venting session with the girls, a distraction from it all. But no.

What I really need is to check myself before I wreck myself.

Because this comes down to stewardship.

How am I stewarding what God has been kind enough to let me borrow?

I use the word borrow intentionally, because none of it is truly mine—not even the people I love most. As the apostle Paul asks in 1 Corinthians 4:7 (NLT), “What do you have that God hasn’t given you?” Even when it feels permanent, everything we are given is entrusted to us for a season. Solomon echoes this truth in Ecclesiastes, reminding us that life is but a mist. And because of that, I want to give my life—and the people in it—the very best of me.

So I had to ask myself another honest question:

What am I carrying that’s making me feel overwhelmed?

Because the truth is, overwhelm always starts internally. I can’t control what’s outside of me—or even the people I love most. They are their own individuals. But what I can control is how I respond.

So now, the ball is in my court, Sparkle Bestie.

Personal responsibility. Yup.

If I can answer the phone with calm and courtesy for a stranger or a brief interaction, I can extend that same grace to the people I love most. And if I’m feeling overwhelmed, it’s my responsibility to call a family meeting—to communicate, to redistribute responsibilities, to create balance instead of bottling everything up.

I can express what I’m feeling without exploding. Because really—what’s an apology without changed behavior?

I could go on, but the moral of the story is simple:

The people we love are not a dumping ground for our frustrations.

In my experience, they often extend extra grace because they love me. And knowing that, I want to be intentional about offering that same grace in return.

I’m so thankful for growth… because chile, I truly don’t know where I’d be without it.

A Moment of Reflection 🤍

Take a quiet moment and reflect:

Where have I been releasing my frustrations instead of responsibly expressing them?
Do I speak with more patience and courtesy to strangers than I do to the people closest to me?
What emotions have I been carrying internally that need to be communicated—calmly and honestly—instead of suppressed?
What would it look like to steward my words, tone, and emotional energy with more intention this week?

Sit with what comes up. Awareness is often the first invitation to change.

Scriptures to Ground This Practice 📖

Proverbs 15:1 (NLT) A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

→ A reminder that tone matters just as much as truth.

James 1:19–20 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.

→ This anchors the pause—the moment where choice becomes possible.

Galatians 5:22–23 (NLT) But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

→ Self-control and gentleness are fruits, not personality traits. They’re cultivated.

1 Corinthians 4:2 (ESV) Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.

→ A grounding verse for emotional stewardship—how we care for what’s been entrusted to us.

Let’s Pray About It

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank You for our loved ones and for entrusting us with something so incredibly precious. Help us to remember that while moments of frustration are part of life, we are still responsible for how we release them. Teach us to pause—to breathe—to choose our responses with love and intention.

Mercifully guide us as we steward the blessings You have placed in our care. Help us to bring the weight of overwhelm to You instead of carrying it alone. Give us the honesty and humility to recognize the areas where we may be overextended, and the wisdom to trust You more deeply in those spaces.

Show us clearly what we need to release so burnout and fatigue don’t take root. Lead us into rhythms of rest, balance, and grace. Thank You for who You are, for all You have already done, and for the beautiful things still ahead. May Your Word guide us with truth and light. Keep us aligned with Your presence, and remind us to seek Your guidance in every area of our lives.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

Sparkle Bestie ✨

Thank you for taking the time to read this reflection.

Self-reflection isn’t always comfortable. It can be tempting to justify behaviors that don’t fully align with who we’re becoming—simply because we want to feel better in the moment. But this reflection isn’t about self-condemnation. It’s about awareness. It’s about being honest with what we’re carrying and choosing not to make excuses for behavior that doesn’t reflect the version of ourselves we’d be most proud of.

I pray this message lands gently on your heart. Give yourself grace—real grace. As I always say, as long as we’re living, we’re learning. And if you ain’t learning, you ain’t growing.

Moments of unconscious behavior may happen—but hurting the people we love and justifying it cannot be the end of the story. Growth invites us to pause, to take responsibility, and to choose better when we know better.

And the beautiful thing is… we do know better now.

Remember: Growth doesn’t happen in perfection—it happens in awareness, humility, and the courage to choose differently next time.

Sending you love and sparkle✨,

Shakila B. 💫

P.S. This isn't a song, it's instrumental worship music that I sit with when I'm reading, writing, or I just want to sit with God and say "thank you." Enjoy!

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